Fragments from my diary – too much free-loading

So… I’ve been writing about the severity of God’s justice… or in other words the price that Love has to pay for each and every injustice.

And about discovering the fear of the Lord.

Of course God’s love will cover God’s justice – it’s called mercy – but we’ve lost all sense of the cost of this mercy… and this presumption of mercy increases the price that Love has to pay.

Perhaps we’re confusing mercy with the blandness of tolerance. Mercy is very different. Mercy presupposes justice. Tolerance presupposes… well, very little really!

Once we’ve got this, that there’s a price to be paid for everything, an ultimate justice that must be satisfied in the name of love, then that same love places a question on the believers heart and mind; why should God in Jesus Christ be left to carry the burden alone?

This is a question that’s really about love, the depth of love, God’s love and my love.

It hits me hard every time I’m standing at the Altar offering the one eternal sacrifice in which we are all redeemed.

You see here it is in my hands, our hands, Christ’s excruciating path to the Cross, Christ hanging on the Cross, the cost of embracing human offence, the cost of mercy. What is mercy but embracing offence. Try it… and see what happens. You’ll look like Christ!

Standing at the Altar raising Christ crucified I’m looking for so much from God  – for you, for me – and to be honest most of the time I’m free-loading.

Taking advantage of Gods generosity without giving anything – or very little – in return.

Granted, I’m here, I’ve come to the Altar, and I tell myself that this is a consolation to God… but as I stand here my heart is crying out to my head… I’ve so little to join to the one eternal sacrifice, so little that’ll help Christ carry this burden, the burden of embracing human offence.

At least the people have the quality of their monetary offering!

As I stand here I’m struggling to find a sacrifice in my own life – one that I’ve willed, that’s truly mine – that I can offer to Christ and in the offering take away a little of Christ’s burden by taking a tiny piece of it to myself… an act of pure love.

I see his burden… how much we’re asking, how much our requests cost him, I want to ease it… I understand why Our Lady always asks for sacrifice (fasting) with our prayer…

I’m afraid the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak!

And every now and then I think about Jesus saying that “the servant who knows what his master wants, but has not even started to carry out his wishes will receive very many strokes of the lash.” Luke 12:47

I can’t help but think… too much free-loading Father!

Just not enough love.